If I Lose Myself
by midwestern sorceress
Summary: Teddy Lupin was a boy born in war. His life had never been particularly easy, but one light got him through: Victoire Weasley. Until she broke up with him. Several years later, the wizarding world may be in trouble again, but she's the only one who will help him. Though feelings complicate matters, they might be the only ones who can protect the wizarding world... and each other.
1. Prologue I: Scars

Welcome, everyone! Before I start the fic, I need to give some very important shoutouts. Everyone needs to understand that while I might be solely responsible for writing this fic, the concepts for the Victoire and Andromeda belonging to this version of events belong to the one and only Niko (therealandromeda), as this Teddy belongs to me. As a result, this telling of the Teddy/Victoire story is our personal property, though of course all original Harry Potter material goes back to belonging to J.K. Rowling. And thank you in advance to all the personal beta readers that I force to help look chapters over, especially Niko! I hope updates will be regular, but once my schedule gets crowded we'll have to see. Enjoy!

* * *

_Not everyone damaged by the war fought in it._

The spring air was unusually hot on that sunny afternoon, and the hundreds of witches and wizards that had gathered on the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry felt practically smothered despite the fact that many of them were dressed in garb appropriate for the current weather. Perhaps it was the stifling air of emotion that had brought them here in the first place, or the humidity in the air, or the overall silence that seemed to engulf the entirety of the grounds despite the fact people were talking to each other and trying to keep things light.

It was May 2nd, 2000.

Among the mob of gatherers was a weary-looking woman in her late forties, here mostly because she had received a personal invitation from Harry Potter himself, who appeared to be the star of the day. Her dark hair, peppered with too many gray hairs than should have been considered natural, was tied away from her face, and did nothing to cover the sheer exhaustion and grief in her sharp green eyes. In her arms was a squirming little boy, hardly over two years old, who was clearly uncomfortable in the sticky heat. Constant whimpers and grunts of "no" escaped him as his hair color continuously (and mysteriously, if nearby observers weren't aware of the reason) shifted from red to orange and vice versa, and consistently he was shushed in a gentle tone by the woman who carried him so tenderly.

"I'm glad you could come, Mrs. Tonks. And that you brought Teddy."

The woman looked up to find herself face to face with a nineteen-year old Harry Potter, who'd emerged from the crowd and was dressed in his dark Auror's trainee robes. Her mouth tightened slightly at the sight of him, as just seeing him on this particular day was yet another reminder of all she had lost, but Andromeda Tonks acknowledged him with a terse nod. When he didn't leave, she frowned in thought and stared, silently prompting the young man to ask whatever was on his mind.

"I was wondering if… if maybe I could hold him, for a minute?"

Andromeda observed him carefully for a moment before nodding again. She hardly trusted herself to speak as she took a few steps towards him and offered up the still squirming toddler in her arms.

"Be careful with him," she managed to snip as Harry awkwardly took Teddy from her, taking him in his arms no lack of tender care. The transfer did nothing to sooth the little one's nerves evidently, who squirmed uncomfortably and grumbled "no" again, but he grasped at Harry's dark robes with his tiny hands, like he found the darkness they offered to be more preferable to the weather that was making him hot and unhappy. At the disheartened look on Harry's face, the older woman sighed impatiently. "He's just hot and wants to walk around. It has nothing to do with you. I'll have to take him inside soon."

"The castle's cooler, and the ceremony won't be for another hour," Harry informed her, like he was trying to awkwardly agree. "We could go there now, if you wanted. I… I wanted to talk to you anyway."

Raising an eyebrow, Andromeda nodded. She asked if he was capable of carrying Teddy all the way to the castle, and he said that he could. While she didn't entirely believe him, she was honestly too exhausted to put up a protest. Instead she settled for just keeping a very close eye on him and her grandson as they moved fluidly through the massive crowd.

A large crowd really _had_ turned out for the memorial ceremony, the second year it was being held. The first year, Andromeda had simply refused to come, unwilling to deal with the massive crowds and much more content to stay at home, pretending nothing was different as she cared for young Teddy. She'd had no interest in coming to put on a brave face, to try and pretend like she was recovering from the loss of her husband and daughter, and even her son-in-law, despite the fact she'd been wary of him at first. The gaping hole in her had not gotten any easier over time, just more manageable. As they wound their way through the masses of people, she struggled not to meet anyone's gaze, but took a moment or two to observe those that had come.

Most of the gatherers were Ministry workers, and the rest were people who'd either fought in the war, had lost someone because of it, or those that had formerly been in hiding. It was this last group that was particularly hard for Andromeda to see, knowing that, in the back of her mind, her beloved Ted might have been among them. Certainly not wanting to venture down _that_ road right now, she shoved the thought from her mind and mused that there many less redheads and gingers amongst the crowd than she might have thought. Something about a new baby being born, so she heard, from what she could remember from Harry's last letter.

To her pleasant surprise, she found that Harry was indeed perfectly capable of carrying her grandson all the way to the castle, where they retreated inside to the cooler air of the indoors. Immediately, once they'd entered the boundary for the cooling charm that must have been placed on the air in the entrance hall, Teddy seemed to quiet, but soon after started squirming even more, his hair turning purple, as he reached for the stone floor.

"Awk," he chirped. "Awk."

"He wants to get put down," Andromeda informed a rather startled Harry, who hurriedly put the toddler on the floor like he might get burnt if he didn't do exactly what Teddy wanted. His nervous jumpiness around the boy wasn't entirely alien to Andromeda, who had seen and even experienced such anxiety around children before. The only thing that made her more tolerant of his behavior was the knowledge that he cared for Teddy at least half as much as she did. He wasn't able to stop by too often, but his letters came often enough, and he'd made it a point to attend Teddy's second birthday just a little less than a month beforehand.

While he couldn't walk with expert skill yet, the toddler managed to waddle over to his grandmother and clung to her leg for support, looking around in avid interest at his surroundings while the two adults looked at each other in a momentary silence.

"Bill and Fleur had their baby earlier today," Harry started to say, clearly fishing for a topic of conversation.

"How wonderful for them," Andromeda answered acidly, struck bitter by the mention of someone else's happy ending. "If that was all you wished to speak to me about, you can feel free to return outdoors any time you'd like. As kind as the Weasleys have been to me, I don't have a particular interest in their family politics."

"No, no, I-" Harry shifted awkwardly, and upon realizing that she must have been the cause of his discomfort, Andromeda sighed, but did not lessen her scrutinizing gaze. This was as odd for him as it was for her, was all she realized. "I'll be graduating from the training program in about a month. I know I have no right to be asking this, but… I was wondering if you might be willing to come to the ceremony and the reception afterwards. You could bring Teddy, if you wanted, I-"

The older woman raised a hand to stop him. "I'll have to think about it," was all she replied. In a sense, she was touched by the offer, and recognized it as an attempt to try and see her and Teddy more often, but the thought of attending another Auror initiation ceremony, knowing it would only remind her of having attended Dora's… she couldn't make a call right then. As an afterthought, she added, "But thank you for the offer."

"I was hoping I could stop by on Sunday and spend some time with you guys, by any chance. Hermione and Ron would be with me, so I'm not exactly sure…"

"I'm not exactly a practiced hostess, but you're welcome to come, as are your two friends, if they want," Andromeda replied, giving the young man a knowing look. She glanced down when she no longer felt Teddy holding onto her pant leg, and found him wandering back over towards Harry, his hair turning the bright blue like it did whenever he saw or found someone or something that he liked. The sight made her smile slightly. If there was one relief she had from the grief that had become her permanent state of being, it was the two-year old in their midst. He was all she had left of the family she'd cherished so much.

Harry was about to open his mouth to reply, clearly joyed by her positive response, when a bushy-haired brunette Andromeda recognized as Hermione Granger stepped inside to join them. "Harry," she was saying, "Kingsley's just outside, he wanted to talk to you about something but wasn't sure…"

"I'll be right there."

He reached down just as Teddy reached him and ruffled his bright blue hair, and the toddler shrieked in delight. "I'll see you later, little guy. I'll write you, Mrs. Tonks, about Sunday, if I don't get a chance to talk to you before then."

Andromeda nodded in acquiescence as she came over and swooped the toddler up into her arms, holding him close as Harry walked back out the door, leaving her alone with her grandson in the entrance hall that, oh so many years ago, had once housed her and a particularly handsome muggleborn named Ted Tonks, and would someday also house his namesake that was currently in her arms. Who, at that particular moment, found it appropriate to wrap his tiny arms around her neck, as if he could tell exactly what she was thinking.

"Love you, Gwan-Gwan," he whispered.

~ findo narratum ~

_The war caused nightmares in those that couldn't even understand them._

It wasn't often that young Teddy Lupin had nightmares, but when he did, they were fairly terrifying.

Now, a four-year old might not have fully comprehended what death was or what battle looked like, but Teddy _was_ aware that death had the ability to take and _had_ taken people away from him. And the dream itself hadn't been that memorable, seeing as he forgot it the second he scrambled awake with tears streaked down his face. But there was one thing from it that Teddy wasn't going to be forgetting any time soon, and it was the very thing that had him sobbing before he'd even opened his eyes or was even fully awake.

His Gran had been dead, everyone had been dead, and Teddy had been _all_ alone.

The dark quiet of his room and the rest of the house that he shared with his grandmother did nothing to sooth his rattled nerves, and so a crying young Teddy crawled out from the warm security of his blankets and ventured out into the hall. As the soft glow from his nightlight faded as he went further towards where he knew his grandmother's room to be, his lip trembled. He had never been overly fond of the dark. So this only spurred him to move a little faster, his small feet pattering against the carpet as he scurried onward. Teddy only wanted to know that he wasn't alone, and the comfort that only his Gran could provide.

His grandmother's room wasn't any lighter, but something about knowing she was nearby and could protect him from the monsters no-doubtedly lurking in the dark made him feel safe. He padded forward to the edge of the bed, where he could discern the curled up form of his Gran under the covers.

"Gwan-Gwan?" came his quivering, quiet voice. When at first she didn't respond, his lip trembled as he reached up and tugged at her comforter. "Please wake up, Gwan."

"I'm awake," his grandmother sighed. "It's not time to get up, Teddy, go back to bed."

Teddy shook his head, even though she couldn't see it. "I can't," he whined truthfully. "I had a bad dweam." The pounding of his head and the shakiness of his limbs only reinforced that fact.

It was only a moment later that Andromeda sat up and turned on the lamp on her bedside table. Teddy rubbed his eyes, sniffling, at the sudden change of light, and looked back up a moment later to find his Gran observing him, taking in his tear-stricken face and the fear in his wide blue eyes. Almost immediately, her expression softened, and she sighed again.

"Oh, Teddy," she said sadly. "Everything's okay. Come here, love."

He wasted absolutely no time in clambering up onto his Gran's bed and settling into her lap as he'd done so many times before. He wrapped his arms around her neck and buried his face into her chest, taking comfort in the sound of her heartbeat and feeling her arms wind around him in return. Ever so gently, she started rubbing circles into his back and he relaxed into her. Gran was warmth, she was safety, and the immediate fear left over from the nightmare started to melt away, even though the images still haunted the forefront of his mind.

"Are you alright?"

Teddy nodded against her chest. "I got scared," he whimpered. "You was gone, in the dweam. Everybody was gone, and nobody else wanted to take care of me. Nobody loved me anymore." His voice quivered at the last sentence as he struggled not to cry.

There was only a brief pause before Andromeda's arms tightened around him and he felt her kiss the top of his head. "Teddy, love, never worry about that. I'll always be here, and I'll always love you. _Never_ doubt that there will always be someone who loves you. You're so very loved, Teddy, so very loved."

"I love you, Gwan-Gwan," Teddy whispered. "I love you lots."

"I know." It almost sounded like his grandmother was choking on laughter, but he couldn't tell as she repeated a moment later in a quieter voice, "I know."

They settled into a comfortable silence for a few moments, reveling in the other's warmth. It was during those precious moments that Teddy felt the last of the fear and doubt from his nightmare disappear, and he wished that he could stay in his Gran's arms forever. A part of him knew that she was the only one that could ever truly understand how he felt, that they were all the other had left in the world in terms of a real family. As the warmth spread through him, he felt the familiar sensation of his hair changing color – Andromeda ran her fingers through the now bright blue locks with a faint smile on her face.

"Feeling better? How about going back to bed, love?"

Teddy felt a twinge of fear at the thought of going back to being alone in his dark room, where the nightmare might come for him again, so he pulled back and looked at his Gran anxiously, almost pleadingly. Once again, images from his nightmare flashed to the forefront of his mind, and as if she could read right into his thoughts, his grandmother sighed. Another moment passed in silence as they appeared to hit an impasse, until finally Andromeda gave in.

"Do you want to stay here with me tonight?"

She sighed once more when Teddy nodded enthusiastically. The idea that he wouldn't have to leave the safety that his Gran offered made him a lot happier than he would probably ever admit out loud.

"Alright, alright," Gran said as if she'd just lost a battle. "Come on, then. Under the covers with you, young man, I won't have you getting out of lessons tomorrow because you're too tired." She peeled back the covers on the other side of the bed and gently patted the mattress beneath it.

Brightening significantly, little Teddy skittered off her lap and crawled over to the space she'd indicated. As he laid down and settled in, his Gran tugged the blankets up to cover him and tuck him in, just as she normally did when he went to sleep in his normal bed, like she'd done just a few hours ago. Once he'd relaxed back against the pillows, she leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. "Good night, Teddy. Sleep well. I love you."

Already the four-year old looked drowsy as he smiled shyly up at her and mumbled, "Good night, Gwan-Gwan. I love you too."

And that should have been the end of it, Andromeda decided, as she turned off the light and settled back down herself. She had never allowed Dora to sleep on the bed with her and Ted, yet with Teddy, she knew it would have been cruel to turn him away. She'd assumed that he'd fallen asleep seeing as a few minutes went by in complete silence from his side of the bed.

But then she heard rustling, like he was starting to shift around again. She sorely hoped that he wasn't having another nightmare, so she slowly rolled over to try and see what was going on, only to find that Teddy had been in the process of burrowing under the covers and worming his way over towards her. Without saying a word, he curled up right next to her, burrowing his way into her arms, and rested his head on her arm. She opened her mouth to tell him that he ought to get back to his side of the bed, before she realized his breathing was deep and rhythmic – he'd already passed out.

Not having the heart nor the energy to move him, the grandmother just sighed and wrapped her arms more tightly around Teddy, falling asleep and, for the first time in a long time, sleeping through the night.

~ findo narratum ~

_The war was a scar that wizarding society that all the young and old would remember for always._

It was one of those days that Teddy got to spend with his godfather and the rest of the Potters, as a new little one had joined the family only a few years before, and he loved getting the chance to go over to see little James Sirius, who was now but three. He got huge delight when the younger boy took the chance to follow him around, and it had become one of Teddy's favorite games to play hide-and-seek with the little Potter.

But he wasn't playing hide-and-seek right now. He was currently walking alongside his godfather, walking down Diagon Alley and looking about in wonder at everything they passed. He'd been here a few times alongside his Gran, but every time he seemed to notice something new, and every time something interested him, his hair would spike blue. His godfather would grin down at him and wink every once in a while when he noticed it. Little James Sirius was dozing off in his stroller, currently being pushed by the fierce Mrs. Potter. She was always nice to him, but Teddy much rather preferred the company of his godfather than hers.

They were apparently on their way to one of the Weasleys' abode, as it was someone's birthday. Teddy hadn't technically been invited to the party, but Harry had seen it fit to bring him along, especially exciting him when telling him that his dear little friend Victoire would be there. She might have been two years younger than he was, but he always loved getting to spend time with her, considering she was the only one of the Weasley clan even remotely close to him in age. An eight-year old Teddy treasured whatever playtime with her he could get, since in reality she was the _only_ one he could get real playtime with. Living alone with his grandmother generally meant his contact with other children was limited but for when she either took him to the Weasleys or lent him to Harry and his family for a day.

It was as they were walking through Diagon Alley and crossed a newer-looking square that the Potter family stopped, and Teddy very nearly kept walking without them. Had he not glanced over his shoulder to see that his godfather and his wife had stopped to look up at a massive marble statue, he would have.

"Hey, what're we waiting for?" he asked as he neared them coming back their direction, but neither adult appeared fit to answer him.

"They finally put it up," Harry murmured. "About time, it's been almost ten years."

"Harry," Ginny chastised him quietly from his side. "Besides, I thought you knew it was going up this week? It's been in the Prophet all last month, Kingsley-"

"I've barely had time to read the Prophet, let alone talk to Kingsley, the paperwork's been piling up…"

Curious, Teddy saw fit to see what it was specifically they were looking at. It was a massive marble statue, modeled to look like some kind of bird, but even he couldn't name what exactly it was. Glancing at the Potter family, Teddy decided that they weren't going to be leaving him behind any time soon, so without really thinking about it, he scampered forward to take a closer look. Because the massive base, which was twice as tall as Teddy was himself, seemed to be littered in some kind of writing.

But as he neared closer, he realized that it wasn't just writing. It was a series of names.

He wasn't the quickest reader, but he comprehended what the top of the statue said quickly enough. _Fallen Muggleborns from the Second Wizarding War_. There were a lot of names on this list, Teddy noted, but he wasn't entirely sure what fallen meant. Because surely if someone had just fallen down, they didn't deserve a statue built in their names. Or, rather, he didn't comprehend what 'fallen' meant until he saw a particular name amongst the list. A name he recognized, a name he shared.

_Theodore "Ted" Tonks_.

Oh. Fallen Muggleborns meant muggleborns that had _died_. Theodore Tonks was his grandfather's name, one of the people Gran had lost. He'd never met or seen his grandfather, as far as he was concerned, but seeing his name here on a monument… it was somewhat startling. He stared at that name for a moment, reaching up and letting his fingers trace gently over the engraving. Theodore was _his _name. Nobody ever called him Ted, and now he was fairly sure he knew why. Realizing that his grandfather's name might not be the only familiar one he'd come across, Teddy looked back up at the title. _Fallen Muggleborns_. This wasn't the right side.

Without hesitation, he dashed around to another side of the monument. _Fallen at the Battle of Hogwarts_. Gulping, he looked down at the names here, knowing what he would find. Suddenly, Teddy felt nervous, his heart pounding in his chest. He'd seen pictures, and people always told him what they were like, but something about this felt different. Seeking them out, actually _looking_…

And then he found them.

_Nymphadora Lupin_, and just beneath her name, _Remus Lupin_.

The hand he suddenly felt on his shoulder made him jump, and Teddy looked up to see his godfather smiling down at him with knowing, saddened eyes. A part of Teddy remembered when he was five, when he first began to notice that something was odd about his situation, when Harry had told him that he'd grown up without parents either. His parents had been killed by the very dark forces that had taken Teddy's too. But seeing their names here, like that somehow solidified the fact that he never _would_ see them or meet them or talk to them…

It suddenly made him want to run home to his Gran and cry. He didn't feel much like going to some birthday party, Victoire or no.

"I shouldn't have brought you by here, Teddy," his godfather said with a sigh. He sighed and squeezed the boy's shoulder. "I'm sorry. They were good people, but I guess telling you that won't make much of a difference, will it?" After a pause, when Teddy didn't answer, he sighed again and said, "Let me show you something."

Gently, Harry nudged the boy around the corner to the next side of the monument. Here, the heading was _Fallen during the First Wizarding War_. Teddy didn't quite understand why his godfather had brought him to this particular side, until he gently gestured towards two names in particular. _James Potter_ and _Lily Potter_. He looked up at Harry in curiosity and wonder.

"Are they your mom and dad, Uncle Harry?"

Harry nodded. He crouched down next to Teddy so the pair of them were at the same eye-level, and Teddy looked from him to the statue to try and discern through what he was feeling. He wanted so badly for someone to know exactly what he was going through, but his childish mind had convinced him that of course nobody ever would. And in a way, Gran was just about the only one who understood how sad not having his parents around made him sometimes. Yet, if there was one person who could understand growing up without them, someone who had actually lived through it, Teddy knew it was his godfather.

"I never knew my parents either," he confessed quietly. "I know I told you that my parents died when I was little like you, but I meant it. I was only a year old when my Mum was killed right in front of me. I grew up with my aunt and uncle, like you're growing up with your Gran. And she loves you very much, you know that, don't you?"

Teddy nodded. He sniffled and felt the sting of tears starting to form, but he wiped them away angrily. He was a big boy, and big boys didn't cry, he told himself.

"Nobody will be able to bring them back, but they'll always be there for you, watching out for you. I know they loved you."

"How do you know?" Teddy whispered. "How do you know they still love me now?"

"I just do," Harry replied. "Plus someone taught me when I was younger that love's the most powerful magic of all. There's no way they would ever stop loving you. My mum and dad still love me, and I know they watch out for me. Yours do too."

"You really think so?"

His godfather just smiled and nodded. Gently reaching out and ruffling the boy's multi-colored hair, he said, "Now come on. We'll come by here another day and have a nice long talk about all this when you're older. Let's go see little Toire."

Hearing the name of his closest friend, Teddy immediately perked up, for once not even bothered when his godfather laughed in response and pushed himself to his feet. Harry retreated back towards Aunt Ginny and their son in the stroller, who'd apparently woken up and was squirming, leaving Teddy staring at the great marble phoenix for a moment. When Harry called for him again, Teddy smiled up at it.

"Bye Mum. Bye Dad. I'll talk to you later, okay? You too, Grandpa. I'll tell Gran you said hi," he whispered before scampering off to join his second family, suddenly much happier than he'd been moments to go to see the Weasleys and, most importantly, his very best friend Victoire.

* * *

Thank you all so much for reading! The next chapter will be released next week. Please take the time to review, if you can!


	2. Prologue II: Victoire

Welcome, everyone to the second chapter! Just a friendly reminder that the concepts for the Victoire and Andromeda featured in the fic come from the mind of my dear friend Niko, who provided special help for this chapter and its content. Enjoy!

* * *

_They were best friends right from the start._

"Teddy. Pst. Teddy, wake up."

Six-year old Teddy Lupin rarely slept away from his grandmother's home, but whenever little Victoire Weasley insisted, he made exceptions as long as his Gran allowed it. On this particular evening, his Gran had agreed to him staying at Shell Cottage for a sleepover, when in truth Victoire had begged him to stay. That being said, Bill and Fleur had provided him with blankets and pillows to sleep on their couch, as they had no extra room to put him in. They had little Dominique in the house now as well in a room of her own.

He never slept well when not under his Gran's roof, and so he'd been tossing and turning for most of the night already. It also explained why he responded not a few seconds after Victoire had nudged him, "Mm? What is it?"

Teddy didn't get a verbal reply right away. Instead, tiny hands were pushing him aside, further into the folds of couch fabric. Realizing the younger girl's goal, he shifted tiredly and lifted his blankets. Sure enough, a warm body was snuggled against his own not a minute later, and the whispered confession came,

"I had a bad dream, Teddy."

"My Gran says it's good to talk about bad dreams," Teddy informed her just as quietly, albeit sleepily. He yawned. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Movements against his chest told the young boy that Victoire had buried her head against his torso and that, no, she didn't wish to speak about what had happened in her dream. Instead, she asked,

"Can I stay with you? I'm not allowed to sleep with Papa when Maman has any say."

Yawning again, and eager to just try and go back to sleep, Teddy couldn't help but answer, "Don't see why not."

This answer must have delighted the little girl, because she squealed quietly and wrapped her arms around his neck and curled quite close to him. While Teddy was by no means used to company while he slept, he found the closeness quite nice, even comforting, and pulled the blankets up over the pair of them. As Victoire quieted, Teddy shut his eyes again, feeling relaxation seep into his muscles. It was just as he was drifting off to sleep again that the girl piped up.

"Teddy, can I ask you a question?"

He grunted his acquiescence.

"Am I your best friend?"

The question took him by surprise, and he opened his eyes to find that Toire was staring up at him with her wide baby blue ones. There was curiosity there, he saw, but also fear, like she was afraid of what he might say. Something about her expression, either way, told him that he needed to answer carefully and truthfully, so he thought for a moment.

Admittedly, he didn't know Victoire very well. Or, rather, he hadn't known her for very _long_. Teddy had only been two when Toire was born unto Bill and Fleur, and while he frequented the Weasleys' homes and gatherings, it was always with Harry, and only with him. At these gatherings, while there were often a multitude of male relatives and Weasley family members willing to play with a boisterous and cheerful young boy, there were no children. At least, until Toire had come along. At first uninterested in a tiny baby, and a _girl_ at that matter, for a long while, Teddy was relatively indifferent.

But then Toire had grown. And she was just as boisterous and cheerful as he, most of the time, and they got along splendidly whenever they were together. The only two children at the time, Teddy and his newfound companion had been more than content to chase after each other and run around until they were both exhausted.

Were they friends? Of course. But were they best friends?

"Yeah," Teddy answered for both himself and Victoire. He'd never had a friend like her before. "I think we are."

This evidently was another answer that delighted her, because she giggled and squeezed his neck gently, like a hug. "You're my best friend too." Her words pierced the quiet one final time before the two children dozed off in each other's arms, to be discovered the next morning by an amused Bill and his frustrated wife.

**~ findo narratum ~**

_She understood things nobody else did._

The moon was bright, and the air chillier than usually characteristic of May. The castle of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was all but silent, its walls safely housing the students tucked safely in their beds and sleeping away the night.

All the students, of course, except for a fourteen-year old Gryffindor named Teddy Lupin.

The young third year was padding quietly through the corridors in his pajamas and slippers. If any ghosts that passed him, or inhabitants of the paintings on the wall, noticed him, they either ignored him or understood the reason he was out and about. The hourly night-time bells tolled somewhere off in the distance, resonating through the night and vibrating Teddy's bones. Prefects were likely to be out on rounds soon, and he was perfectly aware he needed to be gone from the corridors by then, but he had this routine down. He knew where he was going, how to get there, and all the best ways to avoid trouble on the way. Not that anyone would really be able to turn him away when they found out the reason for his sneaking about the corridors on this particular evening.

It was, after all, May 1st, and fourteen years ago today was the eve of the Battle of Hogwarts. Fourteen years ago right now, people had been struggling for their very lives.

To many of the students, the very idea that fighting had gone on in the very corridors they walked every day was understandably overwhelming. People had died where they ate their meals or ran around in the sun. The castle they lived and learned in had been the site of a vicious finale to a terrible war. Truths like that were always hard to digest. But for a select few, Teddy Lupin being one of them, it was just a simple truth. After all, many of them had lost something here. And everyone knew that Teddy had lost his parents.

On most days he hardly thought about it. But on nights like tonight, he had an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach as he remembered that his mother and father had died heroes within these very walls. So many things had happened here, and perhaps his loss as an infant had given him an insight that not many young people had. Gran had met Grandpa Ted here – they'd fallen in love in these corridors, on these grounds. His father had gone to school here, had made best friends with Uncle Harry's dad. Maybe Teddy was even sleeping in the same bed his father had once used. His mother had gone to school here, tripping through the halls and over statues that still remained. But most importantly, his mother and father had lost their lives here. Fighting for a better world where he could live happily.

He wondered if they knew how happy he was. If they knew that their sacrifice hadn't been in vain.

These kinds of thoughts always haunted him around this time of year, and as his feet swept him off to his special place, Teddy found himself lost in thought. He might have physically gotten lost if he hadn't already traversed this route several times before.

The battlements up in the towers were always dead silent this time of night, and while a lot of them had been destroyed in the battle, during reconstruction on the castle, extra care had been taken to recreate the places where so many brave people stood on this night all those years ago. Teddy was making his way towards a certain area, a place that had been pointed out to him during his first year by his godfather, who'd come to give his annual guest lecture in Teddy's Defense class. A specific battlement that he'd been told was where his parents had stood, together, probably for the last time before the battle separated them and subsequently took them from this world.

When he reached it a few minutes later, without saying a word he sank into a sitting position against a column and stared out over the grounds. Uncle Harry had told him once that his parents were always watching out for him, that they'd always love him. And like he always did when he sat in that particular spot, Teddy wondered if that was true. Could they see him now? Were they there with him? Why had they left him to fight, if they loved him so much? Why had they left him and his Gran all alone?

He wasn't sure how long he was there, the moon's silvery light bathing his features – which he currently had completely natural, to honor his parents. Shaggy sandy-blond hair hung over a heart-shaped face, blue eyes, and a small nose. People told him he looked like his mother, and others told him he looked like his father. His eyes, they said, came from his Grandpa Ted, a sign that he'd been aptly named. Theodore Remus Lupin.

Maybe hours passed, maybe minutes, but eventually the sounds of gentle footfalls alerted the third year Gryffindor that someone else was approaching. But he didn't look their way. If it was a professor, they'd likely leave him be when they saw who it was and realized that he wasn't causing any trouble.

Instead, a soft and melodic voice reached his ears. "I thought you might be here."

Teddy looked up to see an eleven-year old Victoire (she'd be turning twelve tomorrow, or was it today?) standing beside him, an unreadable expression in her own blue eyes. In the moonlight, her silvery-blond hair almost appeared white. She was wrapped up in her blue-and-silver Ravenclaw pajamas, and Teddy felt a spark of amusement to see she'd come from her tower barefoot. Giving her a small smile, he looked back out over the grounds and said,

"You should be in bed, Toire." There wasn't much force behind his words.

"So should you," came the quiet response, though an indignant and stubborn tone was easy enough to pick out. Her message was clear enough to Teddy, who'd been attuned to her moods and voice for a long time now. Victoire had come up here for a reason, and until that reason was seen through, she wouldn't be leaving. And he had the feeling the reason had something to do with him.

"You know why I'm not."

"Yeah. I do. Can I sit with you for a while?"

Teddy didn't see why not. He shrugged. He was used to being alone up here, but that didn't mean it would be a bad thing to have some company. Especially if that company was Toire.

Without vocally giving a reply, the younger girl took a seat next to him. A moment later, she took his hand in hers, and when he didn't voice a protest, she scooted closer and leaned against his side, resting her head against his arm. The warmth comforted Teddy, he realized, it gave him something concrete to focus on in the chill as his thoughts wandered. The pair of them sat like that through the night until the skyline began to lighten with the first signs of dawn, when Teddy finally stirred from his reverie to find that Toire had fallen asleep against him.

"Toire, wake up."

"Mm?" She stirred, her eyes fluttering open as she started to stretch. Teddy smiled as suddenly her blue eyes widened as she realized what had happened. "Oh, Teddy, I'm sorry," she began gushing, "I didn't mean to fall asleep, I didn't think I'd-"

"Hey, it's alright," Teddy replied gently as he pushed himself easily to his feet. When he offered his hands to her to help her up, she took them and he pulled her to a standing position of her own. Without any other preamble, he pulled her in for a tight hug. Her falling asleep meant nothing to him whatsoever – her presence, however, had. "Thank you for being here anyway, Toire," he mumbled against her shoulder.

When they extricated themselves from the embrace, Victoire gave him a bright smile. "What are friends for?" she chirped back.

Unable to think up a reasonable counterstatement, Teddy just smiled at her and gave her another quick hug. Even if his parents weren't here to look after him, Teddy knew, he was looked after fairly well anyway. If nothing else, Victoire would make sure of that.

**~ findo narratum ~**

_In time, friendship wasn't even quite the word to describe it._

"Did you have a good time this year?"

A seventeen-year old Teddy Lupin had been caught up in his thoughts again. His mind was revolving around a certain beautiful blonde and the way her face lit up when she'd opened the present he'd gotten for her with the help of his Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny – a brand new Firebolt Ultra with a mahogany finish and her name emblazoned on the handle. He hardly heard his Gran's question as he tugged his coat off and hung it up next to hers near the door.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I had a great time, like always. Mrs. Weasley sends her love and I think she'll be bringing you leftovers either tonight or tomorrow," he replied offhandedly as he gave his grandmother a typical greeting hug.

"She knows she doesn't have to do that," his Gran grumbled, brushing some snow out of his currently blue hair. Then she paused, like she'd noticed something – her gaze was focused on his face. "Are you alright? You almost look ill."

"Just have a lot on my mind, that's all," he replied, shifting restlessly, internally wondering if he honestly looked sick whenever he was thinking about something.

Teddy's grandmother eyed him contemplatively. "It's Christmas, Teddy," she said. "What could you possibly be thinking about?"

"I… nothing."

His Gran's suspicious eyes followed him all the way to his room where he quietly shut himself away. Whether or not she knew what was on his mind was irrelevant – because either way she deemed it unnecessary to follow him. Teddy sat on his bed, the bed that had been his since he was practically born here, and leaned up against the wall. It was his favorite thinking position, and he hugged his knees to his chest and rested his chin on one of them. He hadn't lied to his grandmother. He really did have a lot to think about, no matter what she said about it being Christmas.

The forefront of which was his feelings towards Victoire Weasley.

It hadn't escaped his notice that being around her these days seemed to bring with it not only the customary ease of being around one's best friend, but an occasional fluttering of butterflies in his stomach. Even though it was impossible, it felt like Teddy had woken up one day and was worried about what he'd look like in front of her, if she thought he was attractive, what he could do to get her to smile that day. Lately, it almost felt like he wanted _more_ from Victoire, more than the close friendship they already shared. Or, rather, that simply saying that they were just friends didn't feel right anymore. Teddy felt a pull towards her that he hadn't felt before, that he didn't know what to do with. He'd even caught himself looking at her lips tonight and wondering what it might be like to cover them with his own.

What _was_ he supposed to do with all that?

Sighing, he looked around his room like something there might provide him with an answer. The very thought of being more than friends with Victoire Weasley made him nervous – or was it excited? How could he ask her out when he wasn't even sure if she thought of him any differently? It was an impossible predicament to be sure, but what solution was there to be had? He didn't want to risk ruining or losing the friendship he cherished most.

Teddy wasn't sure how long he sat there, it must have been hours as he mulled things over, as the sky grew dark and eventually he had to turn on his light. For a Gryffindor, he thought too much, or at least that's what some of his classmates liked to tease him about. Maybe he got it from his grandmother, or his father, considering Gran told him that his mum hadn't been much of a quiet thinker at all. Wherever he got it from, sometimes he cursed it.

Either way, eventually his grandmother knocked on his door, and entered before he even really had the chance to respond.

"Are you alright?" she asked him, looking at him in concern. "I'm heading off to bed, do you need anything?"

Teddy looked up in surprise and slight alarm. He really must have been thinking for quite some time. He shook his head, but as his Gran started pulling out of his doorway, the boy sighed. "Wait, Gran, I want to ask you something," he blurted out before he could stop himself.

"What is it, love?"

Taking a deep breath, Teddy knew he was about to hate himself for what he was going to ask. It was very rare that he ever brought up this kind of topic, both because he knew thinking about it caused his grandmother pain and also because he just rarely ever thought about it. "How did Grandpa Ted ask you out on a date? Were you friends first, and then something just… changed?"

The question had clearly taken his Gran by surprise, but then she almost immediately caught on afterwards. With a deep sigh, she came in and sat next to Teddy on the bed in her nightgown, but she didn't answer right away. She stared at him for a long, long time, before finally she appeared to have it in her to answer.

"We were friends for a long while before we started dating, in secret, of course," she replied, her voice quiet enough that Teddy had to lean forward slightly to hear. Only later would he recognize the biting tone in which she said it. "But I imagine our situation and its circumstances were rather different from what yours are. He never quite asked me on a date. I kissed him first. But that's… beside the point." Her voice sounded pained, and Teddy immediately regretted asking. "What exactly am I helping you with? Is it Victoire?"

"Well, I- how'd you know?"

Andromeda simply smiled, somewhat sadly, and gently ran a hand through his hair. A lot of teenage boys might have flinched away or shoved the afflicting hand away from their head, but Teddy just sat still as she did it. It wasn't that he was particularly accepting of shows of affection, but when they came from his grandmother, something in him had always just taken it with grace. "You forget that I know you so well, Teddy," she was saying. "You think that I haven't noticed the way you behave around her? It isn't just this past break, you know. Something has been going on with her for a while."

"But you're not at school with us," Teddy replied, still bewildered.

"No," his grandmother agreed, "But I get your letters, and I see you in the summers and the winters. Something in you has been changing, Teddy. And I'm quite certain it has something to do with the Weasley girl."

Teddy bit his lip. "I just… don't know what to do, Gran."

"Mm." His grandmother's lips pressed into a thin line as she pushed herself up from his bed. "Well, perhaps it's something you can think about tomorrow, because it's late, and you really ought to be getting to sleep. Now, good _night_, Teddy."

And then she left, shutting the door behind her.

With a sigh, Teddy stretched and decided his grandmother had a point, it _was_ late and while he wasn't exactly tired, if he thought about this for much longer, his mind was sure to explode. The air in the house was chilly, and his blankets looked warm and comforting. So without much conscious effort, he pulled his shirt over his head and halfheartedly changed into pajama bottoms. He wished that there was someone else he could speak to, someone he could confide in without reminding them of a painful time past, but there was no use in turning to Uncle Harry or any of the other Weasleys. That way something was sure to get back to Victoire, and the thought made his heart feel like it was about to stop.

As he turned out the lights and settled down between the warmth of his comforters, a reckless part of him said that it was just worth it to ask her out and see what she thought. But the scared, rational part of him was screaming at the top of its lungs that his and Toire's friendship was too precious to risk.

But by the end of that winter break and the time when Teddy was on the train to head back to Hogwarts, the reckless side had won him over.

**~ findo narratum ~**

_But maybe romance wasn't quite it either. Yet._

Walking through the village of Hogsmeade with his hands shoved in his pockets, an eighteen-year old Teddy braced his shoulders against the chill of the winter air and cursed that he hadn't thought to bring a scarf or a hat or even a heavier coat. His Gran was going to kill him if she found out he'd been stupid enough to brave the cold without the proper attire.

But this had been a last minute decision, as he'd thankfully gotten the day off from the job he despised, working for Raymond Spriggs, the owner and manager of Spriggs's Discount Quidditch Supplies. Upon hearing the delightful news that he wasn't needed in the shop today, he'd decided he was going to come surprise Victoire on her Hogsmeade visit. That is, if she even wanted him around, he reminded himself bitterly.

Things with their relationship had been rocky and relatively unsteady even from the first date they'd had, and had only gone downhill from there over the year this had been going on. Hell, it had been weird even since he'd asked her out, considering she'd seemed to have thought he was joking when he'd asked to go flying with her on her new broom as more than friends. She'd been smirking about it until he showed up outside Ravenclaw Tower one morning, and that smirk had disappeared when he told her it was time to go.

As he waited near the edge of the village and spotted the first sign of Hogwarts students making their way over, Teddy perked up and shivered in the cold. Eventually, he spotted Victoire, and while a grin sprouted over his face like it always did when he saw her, and his eyes lit up, his expression quickly darkened when he realized that she wasn't alone. She was walking with another boy. And the boy was clearly interested in her, from the expression on his face and the way he was walking too close to her, yet... Toire wasn't doing anything. His frown quickly turned into a scowl, and his blood started to boil, as he slowly made his way over towards them.

It wasn't that Teddy was normally a jealous person – he was pretty good-natured about her being around other blokes, having other friends, because of course she would. After all, he didn't have ownership of her, and while she was his best friend and he hers, of course he'd hoped and expected that she would be friendly with other people.

But not, he noted as he spotted the way this particular boy was staring at her, not friendly with boys like _that_. Plus, over the past year, Victoire had slowly started to cut off all physical contact with Teddy and often pushed him away when he got too close. Yet it looked like she had absolutely no problem with being friendly and cheerful when someone _else_ was around. Teddy bristled.

As he approached them, the pair had stopped outside a store, looking at and admiring a gingerbread house decorated for the holidays. Teddy couldn't hear what was being said as he got close, but he made his presence known by clearing his throat and, in a forcefully cheery voice, said,

"Hey, Toire. And, er, whoever you might be." He wasn't nearly so cheerful-sounding as he addressed the boy with Victoire, his voice automatically icy and scarily resembling his grandmother when she was angry with someone or something. But then his gaze and focus turned back to his girlfriend, and he managed a genuine smile down at her. "I got the day off, if you can believe it, I thought we could take some time together, if you wanted. It's been forever since I've seen you last."

The expression Teddy got in return caught him off guard. Victoire was frowning, and didn't look at all pleased to see him. "Teddy," was all she said in greeting, her voice colder than normal.

The boy that had accompanied her looked decidedly uncomfortable. "Toire, did you want me to-"

"Go on inside, Felix, I'll be there in a minute." Her dismissive tone sent the lad, apparently named Felix, scurrying into the store, but it wasn't that which had caught Teddy's attention. Her words had. What had he stumbled in on? Before he could think on it further, Toire was speaking again, this time addressing him in the same cold manner she had just a moment ago, her eyebrows raising almost in a haughty manner, "So you just show up in Hogsmeade? You saw me two weeks ago, Teddy, and three weeks before that."

Teddy's smile disappeared. Confused and on the defensive, he countered, "Well, I- yeah. I thought I'd surprise you. I used to see you every day, you know." As her expression grew darker and darker, Teddy began to feel desperate. What had he done wrong? Instead of trying to figure out what exactly was wrong, he went on the offensive. After all, _he_ wasn't the one trying to brush off his girlfriend. "Do you just hate my presence all of a sudden? Do you not want me here so you can continue your little dates with... with that Felix guy behind my back and not worry about it?"

Maybe he'd gone too far, maybe he was taking things to a level they didn't need to go to, and from the expression that took over Victoire's face, he guessed he wasn't far off the mark in thinking that.

"What are you _talking_ about?" she demanded. "Felix is my Quidditch captain, Teddy, and a friend of mine. Jealousy is hardly attractive, you know, you're being a right git."

Where was all this coming from? To say that he didn't understand what was going on with his girlfriend, the girl who was his best friend, would be an understatement. But there was _one_ thing he knew he was right about. "Yeah, a friend who'd give anything to stare at your breasts every time you turn around, or snog you senseless in a broom cupboard if he got the chance," he snapped.

He went on to say, "A git? Really? I'm just trying to be your bloody boyfriend, Victoire, what's going on with you? We used to be best friends and now I'm lucky if you'll even give me two seconds of your time - you hardly even write me anymore."

There it was. The main issue the pair of them had been having as a couple from the very start, or at least the way Teddy saw it. _That_ was what he had never quite understood. They'd been best friends before, and yet somehow when they'd started dating she almost completely shut down. She hardly even spoke to him anymore. And now he was getting this?

"God damn it, Teddy, I don't have time for this!" While he'd been thinking ,Victoire had clearly had enough, as she stomped her foot and glared at him. "Why can't you just leave me the hell alone? You keep saying give you two seconds, but _you_ won't let me have two seconds to myself to give!" With that, she turned around and started stalking away.

But confused and determined as ever to get to the bottom of this, Teddy followed her. Maybe it wasn't the smartest idea, and maybe he should have let her be, but right then he needed to know. Something else was going on and she wasn't telling him. "Time for what?" he berated her. "For me? Why the hell are you telling me to leave you alone when I hardly talk to you as it is? What is even going on? Do you not want to date me anymore? Do you want me to stop talking to you, caring about you? What is it that I-"

Without even thinking, he found himself getting shoved by a very, very angry Victoire, who had turned and was glaring at him with might he'd never seen before. Before he could say anything else, she was screaming, "Why can't you just _shut up_?!"

"I-"

"I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE, LUPIN!"

Teddy froze in his tracks. Of all the little stings and nips he'd felt to his pride and his heart over the past year, the shove was what did it. The shove, and the use of his last name. She had _never _called him Lupin, except in teasing, but never when she was angry. In the years to come, he might have winced away from her and backed down, but not on that day, not when the injury was so fresh and raw. Not when he was eighteen, and still learning about himself and maturing into the world.

"Left alone?" he snapped right back at her, his voice raw with emotion of his own. "You want to be left alone? _Fine_. Be alone. Or better yet, how about you go in and snog Felix like he's been wanting? Because I'm _done_. I'm done with this, and I'm done with _you_. Now that I know what you really think of me, it's a wonder you even bothered with me all these years."

He didn't even wait for a reply. He couldn't - he wouldn't be able to handle it if she screamed at him again, and he was too raw right then to even think straight. So Teddy did the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life. He walked away from her.

It wasn't until years later that Teddy would quite come to understand the circumstances that had led to that very fight, the pressures that Victoire had been feeling that had put her in such a sour mood when he'd shown up in Hogsmeade. Their relationship ended that day, and their friendship became permanently fractured. But still, at the Weasley gatherings to come, relatives and anybody who knew the young couple held out hope that maybe, someday, they'd mend things and bring Teddy back into the family.


	3. Chapter I: Auror Lupin

Sorry for the slower update! I've been at school for the past two weeks, and it's looking to be a tough semester! I do plan to try and somewhat regularly update this, though, so I haven't lost hope or faith yet! Do enjoy, and thank you to Niko once more for being there for the story and lending me her Andromeda and Toire. And an extra thank you to those who reviewed, your opinions are very much valued!

(For those wondering about a potential alternative one-shot detailing Victoire's perspective of the breakup, I _think_ that's coming, but that would be Niko's decision~)

* * *

_Six Months Later_

The stacking of heavy boxes was not exactly a mentally-intensive project, but it certainly was a physically demanding one. As Teddy's back popped for what felt like the twelfth time that day, he grunted as he shoved the last box back into its place on the storage shelf. He'd been lifting boxes since his last break almost three hours ago, having been unaware of the sheer amount of _merchandise_ that had to be packaged and put on the back shelves.

To say that Teddy wasn't in the best of moods in that particular moment would have been quite the understatement. Between his body being sore from lifting, his general exhaustion, and the fact that his employer was holding his paycheck for another week, this was turning out to be a fairly dreadful day. Sweat had soaked his shirt through and was making it stick to his skin, and the room was stuffy and overheated. His stomach growled in protest of all this hard work without any sustenance to refill it. And the clock overhead dictated that he'd been working an hour overtime already.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Teddy leaned back against the wall and cursed his luck. He was technically supposed to be meeting his godfather in twenty minutes for their fortnightly dinner – not only was he likely to be late _again_, but now he had no funds with which to pay for his meal.

When he'd first applied for this job, the owner and manager, Spriggs, had assured Teddy that he wouldn't be a simple paper pusher and grunt worker for long. But that have been over eight months ago, and with every passing week, it was becoming clear that that was all Teddy would ever be in this dustbin of a store. His muscles were too precious to go to waste, Spriggs had told him, when he'd promoted Teddy's nitwit coworker to a higher position and had left Teddy in the back.

_Easy for him to say,_ Teddy grouched as he stalked over to grab his clock card so he could leave. _The man gains five pounds every other day and couldn't lift a pincushion even if he tried_.

"Oi, Lupin, coming in early tomorrow, yeah?"

The young man bristled and bit back an angry retort as Spriggs poked his bald head out of his office. Instead, he just answered in a forcefully calm tone, "Yeah. I'll be in early tomorrow. See you then, sir."

A quick dismissing nod and an acquiescent grunt was all Teddy got in response before he shoved his way through the back door and out into the streets of Diagon Alley. He needed to get back to his flat and get ready for dinner.

Apparating had never been Teddy's favorite method of transportation, but it was quick and efficient and honestly the only thing he had time for. With his flat on the opposite end of Diagon Alley, walking took close to a half-hour. On most days, he'd take the time, but not when he actually had something to get ready for, and not when he had less than twenty minutes to do so.

His godfather would have to spot him tonight, and while he knew Uncle Harry would have no problem doing so, the idea grated on Teddy's nerves. His Gran had long since instilled a passionate dislike for charity of any sort in the young man – it was far better, and far more worth it in the end, to earn your own wages and make your own way. Plus, it was too late to cancel on him now, as he glanced at the clock after finally making his way into his tiny one-bedroom flat, considering he only had _fourteen minutes_ left before he was supposed to show up at the quiet restaurant his godfather favored.

Teddy tore off his sweat-soaked shirt and pulled on a new one, barely having time to brush his hair and glancing at himself in the mirror. He looked a mess, but he highly doubted Uncle Harry would care. As amazing as his abilities were to change his appearance, there was nothing he could do about looking dirty when it was something _on_ his skin rather than in it. Shoving his wand down his back pocket and making sure he had some kind of identification on him, Teddy headed out into the crisp evening air.

Admittedly, Teddy cherished and loved the fortnightly dinners with his godfather, almost as much as his almost constant visits to see his Gran. He hated the idea of having to give even one up because of his blasted job. If he hadn't needed the money to keep up with his rent and food costs, Teddy would have quit ages ago. His grandmother always told him that there wasn't any shame in working in a shop, that it was a perfectly respectable profession, and yet… Teddy couldn't help but feel like it was degrading. Like he could offer the world so much more.

He sighed as he made his way to the outskirts of Diagon Alley, and rubbed his forehead. Turning on the spot, he Apparated once more to a designated Apparition point in downtown London. Harry had always been strict and specific when it came to where and how Teddy ought to arrive – a Ministry official, he was required to take the Statute of Secrecy very seriously, and as a result for meetings like this, Teddy was required to do so as well.

The restaurant they frequented was a small, quiet place that served multicultural dishes and didn't have all too many visitors. Probably because the owner was a wizard himself, who was rather selective about the customers that came calling. Apparently it was a popular spot for Ministry workers, including Teddy's godfather, and as he slipped inside, he saw that Harry was already seated at their usual table, glancing over the menu.

"Hey there, uncle," Teddy greeted him as he approached.

Harry Potter, to many, was the savior of the wizarding world, a brave man who still fought to keep the citizens safe as head of the Auror department, but to Teddy, he was just his godfather. If somebody looked closely enough, gray hairs just barely speckled the man's head of raven-black hair, but his green eyes always seemed to be twinkling or otherwise have some kind of mischief in them. He looked up at the sound of Teddy's voice and grinned, and stood to briefly embrace Teddy before sitting back down. They'd always gotten along splendidly, and he was as much a part of Teddy's life as his grandmother was.

"It's good to see you, Teddy, how've you been?"

"Alright, I suppose," Teddy answered, shifting uncomfortably as he settled into his own seat. "Listen, Uncle, you don't think you could cover me, just this once? Paycheck got delayed."

Harry gave him a knowing smile. "Of course, it's no problem. How _is_ that job going anyway? I know last time you said-"

"I hate it," Teddy spat out, cutting his uncle off. "Honestly, I bloody hope Spriggs keels over of a heart attack and doesn't forget to leave me with all the money he owes from sucking Galleons off my paycheck. Though, with my luck, he would."

The knowing smile turned into a puzzled look. "So it's gone south since we talked last, then," Harry remarked, nonplussed. "I'm guessing it hasn't exactly turned out like you wanted?"

And so the conversation went on. Even if Harry wasn't his father, in some ways he was close enough, more so now than he'd been when Teddy was a child. Despite the fact that Teddy knew he could tell his grandmother anything, there were still some things that he felt like she didn't need to know, or details he'd rather keep quiet about to not upset her, and Harry was always the perfect person to listen. And so Teddy told Harry all the horrid stories of the past two weeks about his job, each and every one constituting as another reason why he wanted so desperately to quit. Eventually, a waiter came by to take their orders.

After which, finally, Harry just said,

"Well, if you hate it so much, why don't you come out for Auror training, then?"

_That_ caught Teddy completely by surprise, and he stared at his godfather in complete shock. "What? Auror training? Uncle, you're kidding right? Tell me you're kidding."

Even though Harry looked relatively amused, there was a serious air about him that suggested that he wasn't kidding at all. "We're looking for new recruits for this year's training batch, you'd make a great addition to the force. We'd be lucky to have you. Plus, you're a shoe-in."

"Would that be because you actually think I've got what it takes or because my godfather runs the whole bloody department?" came the sly question.

Harry grinned unashamedly. "Both."

Teddy had never really thought about becoming an Auror – it was a career path that he had always been told to stay away from, namely by his grandmother. His mother had been one, of that he was perfectly aware, but he'd never really thought about it. It was a dangerous job, one people got hurt or even killed doing. That was why his grandmother wanted him to stay away from it, he knew, because all she wanted was for him to be safe. Rubbing the back of his neck, he opened his mouth to respectfully decline, but Harry held up a hand to stop him.

"Listen, Teddy," he said. "I know that things haven't been the easiest for you from the start, and to be perfectly honest the job you've got right now sounds like a nightmare. You're getting minimum pay for a job that, from what it sounds like, you absolutely hate. Working in a store can be a great profession, yeah, look at George Weasley, for an example. But half of what you talk about is how much you hate working with merchandise and the customers. Didn't you ever wonder if you were meant for something else?"

Well, of _course_ Teddy wondered that, in fact, he was certain he was meant for something more than simply being a shopkeeper. It was boring and half the time, it was mindless, but he'd needed something to pay his rent. But, an Auror? He'd be lying if he said that the idea of the job didn't have any appeal, especially because, well, his mother had been one. And everyone told him what a brave and incredible woman she was. Teddy wanted to be brave and incredible too, and as of right now he was fairly sure that, even though he'd been a Gryffindor in school, he was mediocre at best. He looked at his godfather anxiously.

"You actually think I could make it? Your position aside, would the Auror Department even think to hire someone like me?"

Harry smiled at him. "Why wouldn't they? You got fantastic scores on most of your exams" (nobody ever really mentioned Teddy's abysmal Arithmancy mark on his OWL's) "and I've seen you in action. You're a natural with Defense, Teddy, skills like that don't just go away. Plus, I know your abilities have been a little… sporadic for a while, but everyone knows that being a Metamorphagus would be a massive help when it comes to disguises."

At the mention of his abilities, Teddy reached up and ran a hand through his hair, which was currently its natural color, self-consciously. Ever since the nasty breakup with Victoire, and their subsequent avoidance of one another, Teddy had found that his powers were not at their best. He could change basic things, like his hair and eye color, and skin tone, but could hardly change anything else. And if he could, the form didn't hold for long. It honestly made him feel like a failure, constantly being reminded that his mother had been fantastic with her own abilities, but the idea that he could actually use them, or at least get the chance to work on them, seemed promising.

"So you actually think I could do it." Not a question, an observation.

"I don't think so. I _know_ you could."

Teddy made a contemplative noise and looked down at his hands, which were folded on the table. Now that he really thought about it, that the option was before him, he realized this very well might be the opportunity he was waiting for. The chance to get out of that ridiculous little store and out from under Spriggs's thumb and to actually make some money, doing something worthwhile. Because was acting as a protector to the wizarding world, and tracking down evil men and women worthwhile? Teddy believed so with all his heart.

But never had he actually thought it was a possibility for him, until Harry had mentioned it. Teddy had always looked up to his godfather, seen him as an idol, and when his grandmother had dismissed the idea in a letter when Teddy had written her fifth year about career choices, Teddy had laid it to rest and never thought of it again. He'd always just figured that he would find something else.

Yet… Teddy's mother and father had dedicated their lives to protecting the wizarding world from evil. That's why they'd fought, and why they'd died. That their son would follow in their footsteps, at least on some level, was a poetic notion, but that wasn't quite the right word for how Teddy felt about it. Maybe it just felt… right? If he became an Auror, he could, in some way, continue their work. He'd be brave, and incredible, and strong. Maybe, that way… he could make himself proud. And, more importantly, make _them_ proud. He'd have a life worthwhile, and he'd be a worthwhile human being. He could work with Harry, have a job with the Ministry, the most extravagant of employers…

Well, perhaps applying for the training program and the later job was having fewer and fewer downsides with every passing minute.

Eventually, he asked, "You wouldn't happen to have any applications on you, would you, Uncle?"

By the time their dinner was over and the two men embraced each other while saying goodnight, Teddy had already filled out half of the application and was determined to drop it off the next morning at the Ministry. He'd figured that it wouldn't do any harm in applying now, and the sooner he got out of that shop and started making a difference, the better. The only thing left was to go tell his grandmother, and as usual, Teddy could hardly wait to tell her.

Andromeda Tonks lived in the house she and her husband had bought just before Teddy's mother had been born, in a wizarding suburb of London near the outskirts of the great city. Therefore it was no problem Apparating right onto her front lawn, like he did just about every day when he came to see her.

Most people who knew Andromeda and Teddy respectively didn't understand it. To most, Andromeda Tonks was cold and distant, if she spoke to them at all, whereas Teddy was a cheerful and bright personality – how the pair of them even got along was anyone's guess. But Teddy enjoyed a special relationship with his Gran, a connection that nobody else quite understood, and he loved her dearly. In fact, there was probably nothing that would ever diminish his love for her, the one person in the world he knew he could always count on no matter the circumstances.

Teddy allowed himself in, he had a key and Andromeda had long since told him that there was no need to knock. Despite the hour, Teddy knew she'd be awake. Sometimes he liked to joke that she was like a 24-hour owl, since she hardly ever slept these days, and was alert at all hours.

"Gran?" he called out, shutting the door behind him.

"In the kitchen, love," came the unsurprised response.

Teddy bounced cheerfully towards the source of his Gran's voice to find her precisely where she'd said she was, a potted plant in front of her. From the furrow of concentration between her eyebrows and the clippers in her hand, it was easy to see she was trimming one of the herbs from her personal garden. As soon as she put down the clippers, Teddy walked around behind her and bent down to kiss her on the cheek.

"Do you want that refilled, Gran?" he asked, gesturing towards an empty tea cup to her left.

"No, it's my last for the night, you can put it by the sink." Instead, Teddy took it and started washing it out – he didn't see the affectionate smile that graced his Gran's face because of it. "What brings you here at this hour? You're usually back to your flat by now."

"I wanted to talk to you about something, actually. I just got out from my dinner with Harry."

Because his back was to her, he also didn't see how her lips tightened. "Well, go on," she said, "What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

Teddy, remembering how she'd responded the first time he'd ever mentioned it, swallowed as he turned back around and leaned on the counter. "I'm thinking about becoming an Auror," he tried to say offhandedly, like he was talking about what he was making for dinner tomorrow rather than a major career change.

"Absolutely not." Her answer was swift and sharp, and her voice felt as though it had dropped fifty degrees.

Though he'd been expecting a refusal of some kind, he hadn't expected such a degree of vehemence from his grandmother, who hardly ever refused him when he wanted something. Normally, he'd simply accept her 'no' and move on to the next topic, but on this, he wasn't so willing to budge. "But why not, Gran? You know I hate it in the shop."

"Working there is a perfectly respectable career, Teddy, I don't see why you feel the need to throw that away," was the icy response. "You just have to give it some time. Do you mean to tell me that the next logical step from a shop-hand is to become an Auror? Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not doing anything worthwhile in the shop!" he protested. "And Uncle Harry told me I'd be a shoe-in, they're-"

"Oh, do I have a few choice words for your godfather if he ever shows up here again," Andromeda snapped. "What on earth are you talking about, 'doing anything worthwhile'? Supporting yourself and keeping yourself safe _is_ worthwhile."

Stubbornness pushed Teddy onward. "Your daughter, my mum, was an Auror."

"Oh, yes, well, look where that landed her!" His grandmother's eyes were blazing, and she stood from her seat. Even though she was in her sixties, something about her harsh glare rendered Teddy completely inert. "Dead before her son even spoke his first word!" Teddy openly flinched, but she wasn't finished just yet. "Your mother and father died foolishly that night, Teddy, because they thought they had to go off and fight evil! Don't you dare put yourself on their path."

"But they were doing what was right! You told me that, everyone's told me that. Why can't I do what's right too?"

"Because doing what's right gets you killed, that's why! Your mother and father would never have wanted you to just uselessly throw your life away when they fought so hard for you to live, no matter their profession, or what side they took in a stupid war. They would not have wanted this for you." Her words were harsh, and took their desired effect.

It was no secret, at least to Andromeda, how deeply Teddy's orphan status had affected him throughout his life. Having never known his parents, he was forced to hear about them from others. Others who, because of their sacrifice at the Battle of Hogwarts, praised their bravery and told Teddy what great people they were. Others who would tell them that he would make them proud someday, or that he already had. Others who would tell him he was just like his mother, or just like his father, always contradicting themselves and confusing him as to whom he was really like. And Teddy, lost amongst the compliments and the tales, had developed one single burning desire:

He wanted to make them proud, to do right by the parents he never knew.

And her last statement made him visibly deflate – and for the first time since Uncle Harry had mentioned it, he doubted his resolve to follow through on what essentially had been a job offer.

"Do you really mean it?" he asked quietly, blue eyes full of a childhood's worth of grief and pain. "Would they… would they really hate the idea of it? I just… I just want to do something worth it. That would make _me_ worth it, worth the sacrifice and everything they did, and I don't feel like I am just lifting bloody boxes in a shop, working for a fat arse who won't lift a finger for me, even to give me my paycheck."

"Language," Andromeda reminded him gently, though at his deflation and his broken tone, it was clear to see she'd softened. She sighed. "Teddy, love, look at me, please." He'd taken to staring glumly at the kitchen floor. When he didn't look up, Andromeda reached and hooked a finger under his chin and forced his head up so his eyes met hers. "Teddy, I… to be honest, I think your mother would have been thrilled you're considering following in her footsteps, and I'm sure your father would be proud too. But they would be proud of the young man you've become either way, and they would love you no matter if you were an Auror or wiping dust off old boxes in a Quidditch store."

When Teddy didn't speak up, she continued, with another aggrieved sigh. "You and I both know that no matter what I say, you're going to do what you want, and I wouldn't stop you. But I just want you to think very carefully about what you're doing, and know that I'm not going to support you in becoming an Auror. I can't. I'm not going to risk losing you too."

"But Gran-"

"No." Some of the steel returned. "You may be an adult now and capable of making your own decisions, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sit by and cheer you on when you make stupid ones, like this. Teddy, I have already lost too much. I'm not going to lose my grandson to the darkness in this world as well. And if you let yourself get hurt, I will never forgive you."

At this, Teddy took his grandmother's hands in his, looking down at her steadily. "I know you've lost a lot, Gran, but I promise you're not going to lose me. I swear that to you, at least. I'll be alright, and I can defend myself, you know that."

"Your mother promised me the same thing the night she died. I begged her to stay home, for you, but instead all I received was a promise she would be fine," Andromeda commented coolly, but the pain in her eyes betrayed her. Whether that pain was just for her daughter or for everything else, Teddy couldn't quite tell.

Either way, he engulfed his grandmother in a hug, holding her close and heavily resisting the urge to cry. Talking about his mother like this, and knowing that going forward would earn his grandmother's disapproval, was bringing on a sadness in him that he didn't want to acknowledge. She hugged him right back, and for a moment they were silent, simply taking in the other's presence and seeking comfort that neither of them were finding. He wanted her approval and support, so desperately, but she wouldn't give it unless he stepped down from this notion, which Teddy wasn't prepared to do.

"I love you, Gran," he murmured as he pulled back. "And I'll think about it, but... something about this just feels right. No matter what happens, I promise I'll stay safe."

And so that was why, even though he still finished the paper work that night when he returned to his flat, it took him three days to bring the application in as opposed to the one he'd proposed it would take. During those three days, he'd taken his grandmother's words to heart and had honestly weighed the options. But in the end, his godfather's words had won out, as had his deep-seated desire to prove his parents proud.

"I wasn't sure if you'd stop by and apply or not," Harry confessed when Teddy showed up at his office to turn in the application face-to-face. "Your grandmother's a forced to be reckoned with, you know that?"

"She spoke to you?" Teddy wasn't sure if he ought to be amused or alarmed.

From the haunted expression that overtook Harry's face, he decided to go with alarmed. "Oh, yeah. First rule of Auror training, Teddy, never reveal your sources. Ginny almost hexed her. I figured if you'd gotten anything like the tongue-lashing she gave me, you might reconsider. And with good reason." He shuddered, but held his hand out for the paperwork anyway. "You're sure you want to do this? I didn't mean to make you feel pressured into going into this, Teddy, and I want this to be your choice. You can still turn back and nobody will think any less of you whatsoever."

Teddy had done enough thinking. He placed the application in Harry's hand with cold determination dominating his features. "I want to become an Auror," he said with a ferocity and assurance that he hadn't felt in a very, very long time.


	4. Chapter II: Awkward Encounters

As always, thanks to Niko for looking this over and letting borrow her concepts for Toire and Andie~ And special thanks, of course, to the lovely people who've reviewed! I apologize for the relative shortness of this installment, but hopefully it gets across what it needs to. Enjoy!

* * *

"Did you get Fleur's invitation?"

Teddy's lips pressed into a thin line, like they always did when a certain branch of the Weasley family was mentioned, as he lifted up a wine glass and sipped the liquor within. It seared going down his throat, but the warmth of it settling in his stomach did him good. Tonight was supposed to be a generally happy affair. Talking about _her_ for any length of time was just going to send him spiraling into a stupor that he likely wouldn't be out of for at least the rest of the night.

And he wanted to enjoy his Auror initiation party for as long as possible.

"Invitation to what?" he asked bitterly, trying to act like he didn't know what his godfather was talking about. In most cases when it came to a certain someone, he found it best to simply play the fool and avoid thinking about her if he could. It hurt less that way.

"She'd mentioned something about sending you one. Victoire's graduation party is next week, are you going?"

"Oh. That." Teddy gritted his teeth and tried to look at anything but his godfather's scrutinizing expression. He had indeed gotten the aforementioned invitation, as well as two personal letters folded into the small card – one from Fleur Weasley and the other from, of all people, Victoire's younger sister Dominique (Teddy wasn't entirely why her, either). He had ignored every bit of them. "No, I'm not going."

Harry sighed. That was never a good sign for where the conversation was going. "Teddy-"

"Oi, Uncle Ron, what did you think of the Cannons match last night?" Teddy pointedly cut his godfather off and ventured to the other side of the room. If there was one way to immerse oneself into an attention-taxing conversation or argument, it was to get Ron Weasley talking about whatever latest catastrophe had befallen his favorite team on the Quidditch pitch.

It wasn't that Teddy didn't want to talk to Harry. He just didn't want to talk to Harry about _Victoire_, whom Teddy had barely spoken to since they'd broken up almost a year-and-a-half ago. The last time he'd seen her was the annual Easter get-together at the Weasley household, and even that small glimpse had been more than enough for him. Seeing her crystalline blue eyes, that smile… hearing her laugh with one of her family members… and then the nonchalant way in which she had addressed him, as if they were mere decent friends all their lives, that had stung more than Teddy was ever going to admit. Or, rather, at least not out loud to his uncle or anyone else in his extended family.

The little get-together was being held at Grimmauld Place, Harry's residence, as Teddy's flat was too small for such a party and the other venue Teddy might have considered was not one he even pursued. Because while Harry's family, as well as a number of the Weasleys, and all their children (the Hogwarts Express had brought back all the students for the summer just days before) had showed up to celebrate, there was one person who was noticeably absent.

Andromeda Tonks never really accepted or supported Teddy's decision to become an Auror. On some level, he was sure she understood, and she'd let him make his own decision, but she'd been true to her word that she wasn't going to support him. To her, it was an occupation where he was pointlessly putting his life in danger, for a cause she didn't find worth it anymore. And because Teddy understood her stance, his training and now his new job were topics they always avoided in conversation. Plus, she hadn't been to the ceremony, and she'd refused to come to the party. Though he was saddened and even a little hurt by her nonverbal statement, Teddy felt like he'd made the right decision.

But, as an eleven-year old Lily Potter came crashing into him to give him a hug and wish him congratulations and good luck, Teddy knew that he had enough family happy for him that it wasn't as big of a blow as it could have been.

The party lasted for a few hours yet, and there was hardly an end to the people, mostly family, who came to greet and congratulate him on his recent feat. He would be a junior Auror now, probably with minimal responsibilities, but it was a landmark occasion in any case. Teddy was starting a new life, and he already looked ten times happier for it.

As the festivities started to wind down, and people began filtering out, only a number of people and their children remained. Teddy was standing amongst his godfather, Aunt Ginny, Uncle Ron, and Aunt Hermione, the five of them talking about the Ministry goings-on that Teddy was now proudly a part of. The children were off elsewhere, likely getting into mischief, but nobody was overly concerned.

"Have any of the Auror applicants filed in for the training program yet, Harry?" Hermione questioned, sipping on her tea. "You're expecting a big pool this year, aren't you?"

"Er, yeah, we are. We've got some slotted already." When Teddy looked at him with lively interest, his godfather looked away and cleared his throat.

"You didn't tell me how many new Aurors are coming in," he said in curiosity.

Ron snorted and thumped Teddy on the back. "Just initiated into the Department and already thinks he's got a right to call anyone else new," he remarked, and Teddy's face went slightly red. "But yeah, shockingly enough, now that Harry's head of the Department every Hogwarts graduate thinks they've got what it takes to be out in the field." It was clear that he was being cynical, yet something about his comment made Teddy go even redder. "We do have a few shoe-ins, though, I bet. Before we know it, the Weasley family'll be taking over the Ministry."

_That_ made Teddy look up in slight alarm. There was only one Weasley who'd just graduated. "Wait, what?"

Evidently his uncle hadn't heard him. "Little Victoire submitted her application the day she finished her N.E.W.T's, didn't she?"

It didn't take long for those words to register at all. Every one of Teddy's muscles locked, and any trace of flush from his face drained in less than a few seconds as his skin turned ghostly pale. His jaw tightened and his fists clenched, while his heart pounded against his ribcage. His uncle Ron had to be mistaken. Right? There was no way…

"Yeah. She did." Harry's tight, constrained voice made Teddy realize that he might have been trying to tell Teddy about this earlier, when Teddy had left him to go talk to Ron. And that this news was something he'd known for a while, that he knew exactly what effect it would have on Teddy, though the rest of his relatives continued prattling on.

"She'll make a great Auror," Ron declared. "Fiercest girl I know. She'll have all the criminals running and hiding into their holes the second she gets out there."

"She has to make it through training first, and not everybody makes it through. Harry's training regiment's rather rigorous," Hermione reminded everyone.

Teddy got thumped on the back again by Ron. "Toire'll make it. If Teddy did, she can too. No offense there, Teddy."

"Teddy?"

"Teddy, are you alright?"

But Teddy wasn't listening, and his mind was somewhere far, far away. He'd only just truly started getting over the wound of not having Victoire in his life. After the pair of them had broken up in that nasty fight, virtually all contact between the two had been lost, save for family gatherings where they were forced to be in the same space. When she always acted like he was just another family member, and never went out of her way to talk to him, Teddy had realized that she had cut him out of her life too. But now he was going to be forced to see her every day, or even worse, _work_ with her? Pretend like nothing had ever happened? What were the fates trying to put him through?

Realizing that everyone had stopped to stare at him, he swallowed and managed to choke out, "I just, er, I need some air."

In his hasty retreat, he didn't hear his aunt Ginny smack Ron on the arm and hiss, "You tactless arse, what the bloody hell did you bring her up at _Teddy's_ Auror party for?"

The air outside of Grimmauld Place wasn't particularly fresh, or cool, in the London summer, but at least it was an air free of the name Victoire. Sinking down onto the steps, Teddy rubbed his hands across his scalp, through his hair that was spiking darker colors in distress, and he struggled not to think about all this too thoroughly.

A few minutes later, he heard the door open and didn't even have to look to know it was his godfather. Harry shut the door behind him and sat down on the steps beside Teddy. Moments passed in silence.

"I was trying to tell you earlier, when I started-"

"I know."

"Will you be alright?"

Teddy shrugged. How was he supposed to explain the fact that, despite their breakup, despite their purposeful avoiding one another, his heart still thudded against his ribs at the sound of her name, or that he constantly wished for the sound of her laughter in his ear, or that he missed the way her eyebrows furrowed whenever she was concentrating on something? It hurt just to see her on the rare occasion, knowing that she had never really loved him, that she hated him. Her seemingly false smiles and casual but polite greetings stung him to the core. What was he supposed to do if he was _working_ alongside her?

"Have to be, don't I?" he replied when he realized that Harry was actually waiting for a verbal response. "You can't throw out her application just because I'll…"

"You're right about that, at least, but Teddy-"

"Look, Uncle, I would rather just… not, alright? It's over and done, and nothing you say is really going to make it any easier," Teddy said. He appreciated Harry's efforts, he really did, but he knew they were wasted. Nothing was really going to change how he felt about Victoire Weasley.

Another moment passed, before Harry sighed and patted his shoulder before standing up. "Go on home, I'll tell them you're bushed. I expect to see you in the office bright and early Monday morning."

_That_, at least, made Teddy smile. He might soon be sharing a workplace with his ex-girlfriend and ex-best friend, but that couldn't take away from the fact that he was an Auror now. One of the best of the best in the wizarding world. He got to his feet as well and the pair embraced briefly. "Thanks, Uncle," he said. "I'll see you Monday."

Harry smiled back and headed inside. Teddy, on the other hand, strode a few more steps away from Grimmauld Place before Disapparating. He had some things to think about.

**~ findo narratum ~**

Hiding in his cubicle all day long wasn't really getting anything done, and quite frankly after a while Teddy started to feel like a real coward. The gray walls surrounding him and his small desk were starting to mock him, the papers on his desk starting to make him stir crazy. Or maybe it was just the grumbling in his stomach that was telling him that he'd delayed a break in the work for long enough. Eventually, he saw no other choice but to leave his office for a little bit.

The Auror break room was empty – everyone else was either out on assignment or busy watching the new recruits in training. Though he'd been invited to go see them with some of the others, Teddy had declined for obvious reasons. It killed him enough to know that Toire was in the same building, and he was positive he wouldn't be able to bear watching her, knowing she likely wouldn't even spare him a sideward glance. But he could imagine what they were going through. After all, it hadn't been so long ago that he himself was getting put through training.

Ministry coffee wasn't the best in the world, but it was enough to keep him satiated. He poured himself a mug, smirking when he recognized the cup from his Aunt Ginny's personal collection – the Auror Department was always Harry's depository for gifts that he didn't want.

The pile of papers still on his desk probably wasn't going to go away any time soon, so he knew that he couldn't take too long. As a rookie Auror, he was stuck with a lot of the grunt paperwork, but at least it was a step up from hauling boxes everywhere. At least for the paperwork, he had to use his brain. Teddy sighed. A little bit of coffee and then he'd be back to work, he promised himself.

Though, it seemed that fate had entirely different plans for him.

He plopped down into a chair and spun it to look up at the false windows sipping his hot cup of caffeine. Someone had decided it needed to be sunny and bright today, even though he knew for a fact the weather was fairly dreary out. He was caught up by his own thoughts when he heard someone come in. Teddy spun back around to greet whoever it was, but his voice died in his throat. And his heart might have stopped in his chest, but his primary focus automatically zeroed in on the person in front of him.

"Oh. Hello, Teddy."

Teddy's throat closed as he scrambled to his feet, putting the mug of coffee down on the counter before he could spill it all over himself. "Victoire. What, er- what are you doing here?"

Seeing her in front of him, the pale blonde hair and the piercing blue eyes, with her fair skin, it felt like the room had suddenly been closed off. And the distant, almost careful, expression on her face hurt far more than he was willing to admit out loud. She looked like she was facing a ticking time bomb, like he was an animal that had been backed into a corner about to lash out at her. His heart thudded against his ribs.

"I work here, now," she answered. It sounded like she was calculating every word she spoke. When Teddy didn't respond, she added, "Most of the trainees are eating together. I wanted to come take a look around."

"You didn't tell me you were going to join the Auror force," Teddy blurted out. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be angry or saddened by this notion.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I would have thought Uncle Harry or Ron might have told you. And you didn't either, when you joined," she reminded him coolly.

"That was different."

In another time, he knew she would have argued with him. Half of him even wanted her to. It might mean she'd care enough to disagree with him. But instead, her lips seemed to tighten as she went on to ask, "Do you want me to leave? I just needed to find a place to eat my lunch."

"No. I'll go." Teddy was already getting up.

The walls felt like they were closing in on him, either that or they were laughing at him too. He was being a coward, and he knew it, running away to avoid this confrontation when he should have been facing it. But Teddy felt hollow, like his ribcage was completely empty. Being around Victoire ever since their breakup always had that effect on him. He rubbed his forehead with a small sigh as he turned away from her to grab his coffee mug. He might have been fleeing the break room, but he certainly wasn't going to leave his coffee behind.

Teddy turned around to leave but paused when he saw what she was pulling out of the little bag she'd been carrying with her. It looked like a sandwich, but it was just so… small. Before he could stop himself, he said, "That's all you're eating?"

Clearly she hadn't expected him to speak again, and she looked up in surprise. "I- no. I snuck a bag of crisps when Maman wasn't looking."

"But you're training."

"I'm aware of that, Teddy. Didn't we already establish this?"

Teddy furrowed his eyebrows and gestured to the pseudo-sandwich she'd pulled out. "You can't eat just that and a bag of crisps, you'll kill yourself out there. The afternoons are always harder."

"Maman told me if I walked out of the house with any more carbs, I'd have a heart attack." The bitter tone that Victoire used was the same one she always had in store for talking about her mother. It was no secret to Teddy, or at least it hadn't been when they were kids, how much she and Fleur clashed. Some things never really changed, he supposed. "So I took what I could get. It's not exactly like I can do anything about this."

For a moment, Teddy was quiet, contemplating his options. He had never been one to simply sit back while someone suffered, even if that person was Victoire. Finally, he just said,

"Follow me."

He didn't wait to see if she was going to do as he said, taking his coffee mug and started trekking back towards the little cubicle in which he worked. A part of Teddy was screaming that he'd regret this later, but most of him was simply… well, it felt right, taking care of Victoire. Even if she no longer cared for him, he honestly just couldn't let her suffer. Maybe he was a soft-hearted fool for it, but Teddy knew that deep down, he would always care about her. Even if it killed him in the end. But the scurrying footsteps behind him informed Teddy that Victoire had indeed chosen to follow him, and Teddy took her back to where his desk was situated.

"Hold on," Teddy told her, gesturing for her to wait at the opening. He set his mug down on the desk and opened up one of his drawers. When he wasn't looking, Victoire ignored him and stepped inside.

"This is yours?" she asked.

Realizing that she was closer from the sound of her voice and that she'd stepped in, Teddy tensed. "Yeah," he answered. "Most rookies get broom closets, practically, but Harry pulled a few strings." Teddy found what he was looking for (he wasn't entirely sure how it had somehow gotten buried). "Here. Take and eat this instead." He tossed her a wrapped half-sub that he'd made for his own lunch that morning.

Of the many skills Andromeda had made a point to drill into her grandson's head, one of the most important was the talent for cooking. She'd known Teddy would end up living on his own for a while, a bachelor, and had refused to acknowledge the possibility of getting takeout or leftovers on a constant basis. So she'd taught him how to fend for himself in the kitchen, and he had a fairly decent knack for it. Which was why, as he produced the sandwich and gave it to her, Teddy saw her eyes widen slightly. And maybe he was imagining it, but she looked happy to accept it.

"But isn't this your lunch?"

"Doesn't matter. There's a café in the Atrium I can get something from. You need it more than I do."

She moved to hand the sandwich back to him. "Teddy, I can't-"

"Take it. It's fine."

For a moment, the pair of them stood there, like at an impasse. The sandwich hung between them, Teddy refusing to take it back, and he shut the drawer it had come from as if that solidified the deal. Victoire watched him, a curious expression on her pale face, until finally, the sandwich lowered.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

Teddy nodded. "Yeah. Go on, you need to eat before the afternoon session starts."

The smile she gave him felt genuine. "Thank you," she said quietly, before disappearing out of the office.

It almost felt like they'd had a semi-normal conversation, that they might still be friends. Teddy sat down at his desk and rubbed his forehead, trying to ignore the fact that Victoire Weasley had just been in his tiny little office. _Yeah_, he thought bitterly, as he stared at the opening through which she'd just vanished. _Almost._


	5. Chapter III: Dark Means

Sorry this has taken so long to get up, loves! School's been a little bit of a pain (though spring break is on its way!). Special thanks to Niko, as always, especially since she helped me with a scene in this chapter~ Enjoy!

* * *

In the winter of early 2007, rumors started to circulate around the wizarding world of a neo-Death Eater movement centered in London, as seemingly random outbreaks of violence that had been plaguing the wizarding public started to develop a pattern. Muggleborns were disappearing again, and half-bloods with traceable Muggle or muggleborn lineage would be found dead or mutilated. Led by former Death Eaters that had evaded capture after the Second Wizarding War, the new group started to gain momentum and power, and for several months, the wizarding world was terrified that they might be on the verge of another war.

Harry Potter had been 26 at the time, a fiery and reputable Auror that headed the Ministry efforts to quell the escalating situation. From February to June, he and the entire Magical Law Enforcement Department were hot on the heels of the renewed dark movement. No battles ever took place, and not nearly as many victims were killed, but people had grown paranoid, and the damage was done nevertheless.

Teddy remembered this time with distinct clarity. He'd been nine at the time, still under the total care of his grandmother. He could remember Andromeda refusing to let him outside, keeping him indoors and leaving the house herself as little as possible. Visits with Harry and his family had been limited, as had been visits with Victoire, if he got out of the house at all. And though it hadn't been easy and Teddy frequently grew bored being trapped inside, he hadn't argued with his Gran – he sensed just how on edge she was, being that he shared a profound bond with her even then. Nightmares had been a frequent and even common event, and despite his age, Teddy spent many nights either curled up near his grandmother or falling asleep just outside her room.

The movement, which ambitiously had called itself a rebellion, had been led by Thorfinn Rowle – a former Death Eater the Ministry had never caught after the Battle of Hogwarts. Since the end of the Second Wizarding War, he had evidently gathered a new group of followers, though nobody could really say for certain. A number of these new so-called Traditionalists (as if a new name made them any less dangerous) were foreigners, gatherers Rowle had picked up through his travels through France, Germany, the Slovak regions, and Bulgaria. Nobody was entirely sure who anybody was, until the Ministry managed to break down the faction by imprisoning most of its members.

Among them was Nicholai Daskalov, who'd been a prominent figure of the Bulgarian Ministry before he'd been caught, tried, and found guilty of being a part of the Traditionalists. The Bulgarian Ministry denounced him and surrendered him to the British Ministry, cutting off all ties with the radical to prevent political tensions. Many other figures from around Britain and the world were also locked up behind bars, including Joseph O'Keenan, an Irish wizarding merchant who'd owned a shop in Knockturn Alley, Patrick Bellerose, a French wizarding ambassador to foreign Ministries, and Gregory Kovachev, a close friend and ally of Daskalov's.

Each of these men, and others, were put away by the Ministry for life, and it was assumed that they would never walk free again. Azkaban, newly staffed by wizards after the dementors had been banished to the Arctic regions after the Second Wizarding War, became many of the would-be rebels' supposedly permanent home.

Shortly after imprisonment, news reached the public that Thorfinn Rowle had mysteriously died in Azkaban, and just like that, the wizarding world let out a collective sigh of relief. To them, it signaled the end of a horrific era in their history, and finally they could all move forward. Nobody cared much for the followers of Rowle, figuring that without their leader, they would simply rot away in prison. They felt safe and secure for the first time since the 1970s. Things were stable, and things got better.

Until on March 18th, 2021, when the four previously mentioned men broke out of Azkaban Prison, killing sixteen guards, stealing their wands, and breaking out over a dozen of their fellow prisoners in the process.

**~ findo narratum ~**

Twenty-two year old Theodore Lupin was downright furious.

"What the bloody hell do you even mean, '_broke out_'?" he demanded of his godfather, pacing like a caged tiger in Harry's rather large, rather ornate Head's office. "It's blooming Azkaban Prison! How do twenty-three inmates, including five bloody former Death Eaters, stripped of their wands, _break out of Azkaban Prison_?"

The man that sat behind the Head Auror's desk looked as if he'd aged five years in just five minutes. "Teddy, I need you to calm down," Harry told him warningly. "I've got Kingsley and the Daily Prophet already breathing down my neck at this point, I don't need you on it too. Do you honestly think I have all the details yet? Hardly anything's getting through with the sheer insanity this mess is turning out to be."

"Then why even tell me? Why the bloody hell would you pull me in here just to tell me this in person when I'd get the memo eventually?" Teddy demanded of him. "It doesn't even-"

"Because I wanted to warn you," Harry snapped right back, cutting him off. But just like that, Harry's anger and impatience was gone as he melted back into his chair with a deep, tired sigh. It just occurred to Teddy how much his godfather might have truly loathed the idea of the Death Eaters having escaped, what this could mean for him and anyone else who survived through the wizarding wars. A part of him felt guilty, but the rest of him was still caught up in a rage. "I wanted you to be prepared, because the second you get the list of names that got out, you're probably going to be in worse shape than you are right now. And we need to talk about that."

_That_ caught Teddy off guard. Immediately his expression grew wary. "Why?"

Harry sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair, his face drawn. "The actual Death Eaters that escaped… one of the few reports that have gotten though gave me the names. And one of them… one of them was Antonin Dolohov."

Teddy's entire world froze as recognition flashed across his face. Then it went carefully blank. "The man that people say killed my father, you mean," he said, his lips pressing into a thin line.

"Now, Teddy, listen, I know that you were raised-"

"Raised to what? Know that each and every damn Death Eater that ever lived contributed to my parents' deaths? That they helped catch and kill my grandfather, leaving my Gran all alone? That they… that they pretty much ruined your life from the very start too? Uncle, I bloody know what I was raised to think, get to the point."

For a moment, Harry didn't respond. "The fact of the matter is, Teddy, no matter how much you might want to get involved with this, you're still only a rookie. You've never had to deal with a situation like this before, and I don't want you being connected to these investigations or the hunts. Understood?"

Teddy bristled. It was one thing to know that Death Eaters were out among the population again, even if their intentions after getting out of prison weren't malevolent (that they knew of, anyway). It was another thing entirely to realize that his godfather was essentially barring him from the chase, when instinctively all Teddy wanted to do was go out and catch them himself before they could do any more damage to people like his grandmother. People like him. The blankness vanished from his face as he glared at Harry. "Why the bloody hell not? I can take care of myself, and I can take them. Rookie Aurors go out on assignment all the time."

"Not on assignments like this."

"How is this any different? Hunting down and arresting criminals, isn't that what we do anyway?" Teddy demanded. His fists clenched.

Harry shook his head. He didn't look at all phased by Teddy's reaction, probably because he'd been expecting it. "Not when the aforementioned criminals are dangerous enough that they escaped from Azkaban Prison at 4:37 this morning and took almost half the guards down. Not when these are men and women who know _exactly_ how to evade capture and wreak havoc. And not when you're emotionally invested in the outcome."

"Oh, and _you're_ not emotionally invested, Uncle?" Teddy snapped. "You don't have any emotional connection with the case?"

"I'm Head of the Department. I don't exactly have a choice _but_ to be involved, Teddy," Harry responded with a grimace. "But that doesn't mean that I can't help protect Aurors I don't want involved. Namely you, for one. Andromeda would have my head if I let you get involved with this."

Teddy rolled his eyes. "Oh, don't use my Gran as an excuse. You mean to tell me that you're not letting me get involved with this because you're blooming scared of my grandmother?"

"That's only one of the reasons, Teddy, and you know it," Harry scolded him, though he didn't deny being terrified of Andromeda. Then, with a sigh, he gestured to the door. "Now, go on and take the rest of the day off, take some time to cool down." Though Teddy opened his mouth to argue, Harry held up a hand to silence him before he'd even spoken. "You and I both know you're not going to be getting any work done in the state you're in, and quite frankly I don't want you here when the shit storm descends on the department. Go home, or go see Andromeda, but I want you nowhere near this Ministry until tomorrow morning. Understand?"

Teddy was tempted to refuse, just to spite his godfather who seemed intent on spiting _him_ just then with all this news. For a moment, he just glared, feeling like a teenager who'd just gotten sent to his room (which, with Andromeda, had indeed happened on more than one occasion). Until, finally, his shoulders deflated, and Teddy realized he likely wasn't going to get anywhere with Harry right then.

"Fine," he finally said, the anger still evident in his voice. "But I'm not bloody happy about this, and I deserve to be out there hunting them same as anybody else." Without waiting for a response from Harry, he left the office, stalking down to grab his things from the cubicle before getting ready to leave.

As he was exiting his cubicle again with his jacket on, he nearly crashed into, of all people, Victoire. From the look in her blue eyes, she knew, though he wasn't entirely sure how. She looked as if she herself was just on her way to Harry's office down the hall, the way she was headed. She blinked as the two of them assessed what had just happened, until she finally opened her mouth to say,

"Teddy, I-"

Teddy wouldn't let her finish. He shrugged around her angrily. "Leave it, Victoire," he snapped. "I'll see you tomorrow."

And he walked away. He didn't know that, as he went, Victoire watched him go like she was internally debating something, before turning around and going her own way towards Harry's office.

Anybody could easily discern the pattern that Teddy then followed. He angrily Flooed from the Ministry's Atrium to a designated fireplace in Diagon Alley, and stalked off to his flat where he could change from his Ministry robes and into something a lot more casual.

There was a calculation behind his actions, a reason he always stopped at his flat first. His grandmother was never as forthcoming or as pleased to see him when he came by with his Auror uniform on. Sometimes she wouldn't even let him into the house unless he agreed to change. And Teddy knew he wanted to go see his grandmother. No, _had _to go see her. Not only because it was his routine whenever something tremendous in his life happened, but also because he knew what this news might do to her. Especially after what it had done to him.

As usual, when he finally reached her front door, he let himself in, and she was in her greenhouse that had once been a sunroom, tending her plants when he came in. Though he opened his mouth to break the news, his resolve unwavering, she silenced him before he'd even spoken with a single look.

If she was surprised by his visit so early in the day, she didn't show it. She was busy repotting a frail looking plant, and as she did so, Teddy anxiously bounced from foot to foot. Without a word, she gestured for him to follow her, and took him to the kitchen. But he didn't dare address her until she was ready, at which point, he blurted out,

"Something's happened."

Andromeda raised an eyebrow, but stilled by the counter as she seemed to notice his nervous and frantic disposition. The eyebrow lowered. "What?" she asked, a little impatiently. She didn't subscribe to the Daily Prophet any longer – any news she received from the outside world came through Teddy. "What's happened?"

Without further preamble, he told her, "There's been a breakout from Azkaban." Once it was out in the open, Teddy took a deep breath to steady himself – he wanted to tread onward from that point with care. "And several of them were… former Death Eaters. One of them is the one who killed my dad." His lips pressed into a thin line then, the very reminder sending his blood aflame. Anyone who knew him would easily be able to see that he was planning on seeking retribution.

His grandmother's face paled, and she stiffened. It wasn't easy to take Andromeda Tonks by surprise. "What are you talking about, Teddy?" she asked of him, frowning. Moving towards him, she stumbled.

"Do you want me to get you something?" Teddy immediately asked as he moved forward to help her, though she'd already beaten him by sitting heavily in a chair. "I can-"

"Tell me everything," she commanded, cutting him off.

He swallowed, and did just that. He told his grandmother everything he knew. "Nobody... nobody knows for sure how they got out, reports have only just started coming in. They... they killed almost half the guards and stole wands off of them and... we're not sure where they are, or what they're going to do. A few were actual former Death Eaters, most were from that... that Traditionalist movement when I was a kid. But one of the Death Eaters, one of the men who got out... he's the one everyone says killed my father." He growled to himself as his hands clenched into fists. "Not that _any_ of this bloody matters because _Harry_ isn't going to let me work the stupid case."

"As well he shouldn't," Andromeda responded almost immediately, but she looked worn. For the first time in a while, she looked her age. "That's perhaps the first smart thing Harry Potter has ever done in his life." Though Teddy opened his mouth to reply, after a deep breath, she cut him off again. "I won't allow you to go and get yourself killed, Teddy. That would have been the last thing your father would have wanted, for you to die avenging him when it won't bring him back." The look she gave him then suggested that she knew exactly what he wanted to do.

Teddy, despite his anger and pent up enraged energy, could never lash out at his grandmother, not on good conscience. He did pause in his movement upon seeing the expression on her face. "Gran, I won't do anything stupid," he said. "You're not going to lose me, but I can't sit back and just watch this happen. They stole my parents from me, and they stole from you too. That can't go unpunished, Gran, and you know it."

The look he received in return was steely and grim. "I understand better than anyone what we've lost," she replied. "Which is precisely why I'm siding with Harry. This is too personal for you, Teddy, and you'll make mistakes you wouldn't otherwise make, blinded by your anger. I won't let you do it."

Upon realizing that his grandmother would fight him on this, just like Harry had, Teddy knelt down in front of her, a darkness in his eyes that normally wasn't there. "But Gran, I-" Teddy struggled to keep his voice under control, a feral rage making his voice rough. "I have to. They have to _pay_."

Andromeda sighed. "I understand, you know I do," she murmured, her hands gently reaching out to stroke through his hair.

Teddy's eyes clenched shut as he felt her stroking his hair. There were few people that could calm him, and his grandmother was one of them, if not the best person for the job. As he knelt there, he felt the anger slowly starting to melt from him.

"Do you think I wouldn't give up anything just for the chance to have a go at your grandfather's killer?" Andromeda was asking of him, her voice wavering. "Because I would. And I know how much it eats at you, but… some things are more important. Taking care of your mother, and you, was for me. I don't know what is more important to you, but I guarantee it isn't worth losing when it comes down to it."

After a moment, Teddy looked up to meet his Gran's gentle gaze, and his answer came to him immediately. "You," he choked out. "You're more important. And… other people." He refused to say Victoire's name out loud, or even think it to himself, knowing the consequences. "I just… don't want to risk anything happening to anybody else. I want to end it. For me, for you, and Grandpa, and Mum, and Dad, and… and everyone else." Without even thinking any further, he suddenly launched himself up to wrap his arms around Andromeda and hug her tightly.

Though she stiffened under his touch, his grandmother let him get away with the embrace, and gently patted his back. "Then please don't do something stupid, love. I've already lost too many people. It would kill me to lose you too," she told him earnestly. "I know how badly you want it all to be over, but it doesn't have to be you that ends it."

A lot of people might not have understood, at least about loss, but Teddy did. He'd lost his parents to these people – and she'd lost more. And he knew, for her sake, that he had to be careful at best, and not let anything happen to himself. Teddy squeezed her close one more time before letting go, looking somewhat guilty for even bringing this news upon her. "I know, Gran. I just… _want_ it to be."

After a moment, Teddy sighed and stood, the rage out of his system and replaced by a genuine sense of hopelessness and even a little bit of defeat. He offered his grandmother his hand and flashed her a small, but genuine smile. "Harry sent me home for the day besides, to let my anger out and all," he continued. "I think I can put myself to better use by helping my grandmother out around the house, yeah?"

Andromeda looked relieved at the shift in conversation, though it took her a moment to respond. Very rarely did she let Teddy help with chores now that he was moved out, though finally she nodded. "Alright. If that's what you want." Then, after another pause and allowing Teddy to help her to her feet, she added, "Teddy, I know you want to fight, but there are other ways to make peace with your loss. I promise."

"Alright, Gran," Teddy assured her. "I know. I'll be safe." He leaned down to kiss her cheek, internally conflicted.

Everyone wanted him to stay out of the fray that was possibly coming, supposedly for his own safety. But Teddy knew in his heart of hearts that he couldn't just let this go. This was an opportunity to prove himself, avenge his parents in at least some form, and make them proud, all rolled into one. Was it even possible to pass this up? He wasn't nine years old anymore, he wasn't helpless – he had the means and the power to accomplish what needed to be done.

But what could he possibly do, when the world seemed so against him doing anything remotely useful?

The question made his head hurt, and so he filed it away for another time. Right now, he needed to focus on his Gran, and washing the dishes like she'd instructed. After all, there would, he reasoned, be ample time to think about it later. Right?


End file.
